A little blurb about nostalgia

From time to time, I feel the soul-crushing, near-crippling weight of nostalgia. 

It sits heavily on my chest and forces me to go searching for a period of time that does not exist anymore. It freezes me in my current state, unable to continue on without searching for a time when emotions were lighter, responsibilities nonexistent, and laughter came easier. Searching for people who now only exist in my memories. 

It may be ignorance I am looking for, or a version of myself that I wish I could reach out, grab, and hold on to. To tell her to take it slow, enjoy the time she is in. But that’s the thing about time: there is no going back, and she will slip through my fingers as a memory once again. 

It’s unsettling to think that there will be a time when I wish I could reach out to myself now. To tell myself to enjoy the time I am in. But that’s how nostalgia works. The knowing that I will eventually look back one day with wonder, with a heavy chest, and think: wow, I wish I could be there again. 

But nostalgia is a cycle. One that you can easily predict but not prevent. A cycle that will continue repeating itself until time ceases to exist and there are no moments to reach for anymore. 

But for now, time is sat, clasped in the space between my pointed toes, and she is watching me in envy. Envy that I think is a little ridiculous, considering how she gets to control forever, and I don’t. But time is quiet, and frozen over, and this moment isn’t hers, it is mine.

xoxo, sugarbear